Rory writes a new blog, “Alive and Well.”
I filmed our lives for two-and-a-half years. I donâ€™t know why, I just did.
Like writing this blog, something told me that I needed to capture that time of our lives on film. To have it forever. To be able to remember it and share it with others. I had no idea how important it would be.
Especially to me.
When we got home from Indiana in early March, after Joey had passed away, the girls and I resumed the life we had before. The life that we had lived before the cancer grew larger and my wife grew smaller. Before the words chemotherapy and radiation were written in ink on our calendar. When Joey was alive and in full bloom, like the knock-out roses that she planted beside her garden shed are.
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I thought I would be able to remember the good times we had and the love we shared here at our farmâ€¦ the amazing thirteen years of life we had together. But I couldnâ€™t. It was gone. All I could remember of her was the end. The five months of dying. The Joey that had no hair and couldnâ€™t get out of bed. The mother that could barely hold the baby she loved. And the life we held together by a song, in the brick house by the Gaitherâ€™s pond.
I guess the intensity of that time overtook everything else and wiped it from my memory. I can see how it could. Living out of a suitcase with Indianaâ€™s crib beside my bed, Joey in the next room sleeping. Hurting. Vanishing right before our eyes. But she was also living. Living in such a strong and brave way, that itâ€™s the image of her that remained in my mind. Even when we came home. That is the only â€˜herâ€™ I could see. I couldnâ€™t remember Joey before that time. I could not remember her alive. All of the pictures on our mantle and music videos online seemed like something from a photo album. Ours I guess. But long ago.
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For a month it was that way. I was scared thatâ€™s how it might always be. That the Joey I met and married and fell in love with â€“ the one that I had a beautiful baby with â€“ was gone from my memory forever.
But late one evening, in a metal box on the desk in our bedroomâ€¦
I found her.
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In January of 2014, when Joey and I decided to take a year off, I not only started writing this blogâ€¦ I started filming our life. Pushing record on my Canon 70D and capturing the smallest and biggest moments as they happened. Every day. Week after week and month after month. And I kept doing it for two-and-a-half years. What I filmed wasnâ€™t important at the time. It was just daily life. Intimate moments shared with the woman I love and the baby that came a month later.
But it turns out that it was important. It is important.
Joey and I believed that God was going to give us a great story, and we wanted to film it, so we could look back and remember that year. We thought the story was going to be about taking time off from our music careers. About homesteading and growing a community garden with our neighbors. And about having a new baby and raising her. Yes, those things are part of the story, but there was so much more that happened. So, so much more.
As I set at my desk in mid-April, and plugged in the hard drive that held 6 terabytes of our lives â€“ hundreds of hours of footage, I wasnâ€™t sure I could watch it. That I could bare looking at our lives before. I thought it would be too painful. Too hard. But the moment I pushed play, something happenedâ€¦
My wife came to life.
In full-color on the big screen of my iMac, Joey became alive againâ€¦ filled with love and joy and hope and passion for me and for the life God had given us.
And I remembered how incredibly beautiful she was. How kind and how special of a person she was. For days, I watched and I watched. And pretty soonâ€¦ I could not remember the Joey that was on hospice in Indiana. The one that was frail and dying. â€˜Thatâ€™ Joey had been replaced by one that is alive and well. One that was excited about our newborn that lay in her arms and the future that lay in store.
Read it allÂ Here
Continue to pray for Rory and Indiana as life goes on.
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